Woman Paps Kate's Baps.

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It’s news to set the teeth of any self-respecting woman on edge. The disgusting, repulsive photographer who poked their lens where it wasn’t wanted isn’t as presumed, a perverted grey-haired old man. He’s not even a young fantastical ambitious French ‘homme’. No sir, Kate’s nemesis is a woman; an all-out, boob-owning female. Sorry but what exactly has happened to female solidarity?

There’s something about the female sex which encourages judgements, scathing remarks and back-stabbing. Women bitching about women are regular features in magazines and newspapers, log on to moremagazine.co.uk or cosmopolitan.co.uk and you’ll see celebrities from A to Z-list being dragged through microscopic searches in the attempt to find one solitary hair in an armpit.

Why don’t we do this to men? Were the photos of Prince Harry naked scrutinised for a hairy arse? I doubt it.

But unfortunately, women-on-women action doesn’t even stop at journalism. Girls walking past each other while shopping are bound to flick a gaze up and down analytically. It happens at work; on nights out, even on a poor girl’s wedding day: “Oh, I see she’s wearing white...” - scandalous. But now one woman with the help of French 'Closer' magazine has pushed it just one step too far.

It is, after all, one thing to publish photos of Cheryl Cole flashing her nether-regions off as she stumbles blind-drunk out of a car in the central of London but it’s a whole different boob-park to release, or even take in the first place, photos of Britain’s clean-living princess while naked with her future King of England husband in a private villa.

There may not be a female-solidarity law but before we can persuade David Cameron to enforce one, let’s assume Valerie Suau (ironically pronounced ‘sewer’) has broken it...

And what should her punishment be? To have all of Britain’s paparazzi outside her house ready to snap as she steps out of the shower.

Let’s see how she likes it. 

Jessica Baggaley

I make the incoherent coherent through punctuation, adjectives and irony.

Website: jbwp91.wordpress.com

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