The Precise Art of Mastering One Night Stands

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University: there is no doubt that it is the ultimate shag-fest. Upon arriving in a new city with not a lot to do other than party and go to the occasional lecture, sex suddenly sweeps over the brains of freshers with an unyielding aggression. Sexual partners are rotated like clockwork and the ‘one night stand’ becomes a regular part of students’ timetables. But are they worth it? Should one embrace the frisky chaos with a lax attitude and tot up notches on belts with ease, or should one turn one’s nose up at such sordid behaviour and hold out for meaningful, relationship-based -cringe- lovemaking?

Of course, there is no clear answer to this question. Sexual behaviour is something personal to each and every individual. But if one does feel like frolicking with guys or girls on a one-night-only basis, there are several risk factors to be considered.

The Deluded

Firstly, it is important to make sure both parties to the playful affair are on the same page. Ultimate cause for regret is the deluding of oneself into thinking that if sex takes place the other half will, despite clearly stating they will not, fall head over heals in love and embark on a long and meaningful relationship. This is almost always cause for utmost disappointment and can leave one feeling rather like a used dishtowel – dirty, unappreciated and disregarded as something that was once useful but is now ready for the garbage.

The Beer Goggles

Secondly, one risk that is usually unavoidable but should always be accepted as an inevitability is that of the dreaded beer goggles. One night stands are usually drink-fuelled and quite often a vodka-clouded-judgement comes into play. Unfortunately there is no cure for this. Waking up naked in someone’s bed with a pounding head and solid fear of turning around to see the mysterious-spooner that could or could not be the looker one thought they were is a risk all one-off-shaggers face. Challenge accepted?

The Cling-Ons

Finally, there are the cling-ons. The people that seem pretty cool and up for a bit of harmless bump-and-grind, but that loiter around one’s flat the next day with the kind of puppy-dog-eyes that don’t turn you on. These kids are the one’s to watch; they get attached and insist on sticking around. Before you know it they’ve not only made you breakfast in bed, but lunch and dinner too. The answer to this one-night-stand faux pas? Choose their place, not yours.

One night stands are not for everyone, but if they are how you roll, way up the risks before taking the plunge of promiscuity. Be careful to squint on through beer-goggles with as much precision that can be mustered, make sure the chosen one is on the same wave-length, and - failing the above - always locate your nearest exits.  

India Johnson

I have a degree in English from Leeds Uni and love to write. I like music, pretty words, films (especially French films) and books (especially American lit).


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