A 'Big Tasty' by any other name...

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There’s a tight timetable. Within a week from occurring as frequently as a period, the new McDonald’s promotional burgers continue to blob out down the public’s gullet. Not owning a fertile uterus, I cannot argue for the consistency for these monthly visits by mother nature, but if they are “as much of a muchness” in comparison from one to another as what I think they are: we can assume the same about McDonald’s selection in seasonal treats. As now this excessive tedium is driving towards absurdity.

The Sweaty, yet Succulent Circle of Life

Don’t get me wrong. I love a good artery-clogging McDonald’s burger as much as the next man; I’d look into an intravenous drip to ingest them if the logistics were feasible enough, ESPECIALLY when it comes to the promotional side of the business. They answer the question of what would happen if the sweetest loaf of bread in the shop mounted the biggest doe-eyed cow in the herd and pumped out the most adorable lovechildren the world has ever seen. It’s a beautiful image. Standing over them; the consumers. An army of food-obsessed Madonnas, with cash well in hand, mercilessly adopting every new born in sight. The financial surplus brought on by this fanciful freak show produces enough economic influence to repeat the cycle indefinitely. And lo, the fast-food circle of life continues: Magical.

Delicious Lies

Every burger is delicious, the texture is smooth and gracious like the soft folds on a Labrador’s neck, and don’t even get me started on the size. Compared to its double-stacked sister Big Mac, these promotional items are packing all kinds of mass, and that’s saying something. Then why is there a need for an article? Well, come closer children because these high-in-fat splendours of junk-food utopia hold a sinister secret. The promotional burgers are all the same. You know the drill, the standard salad, the top drawer monster burger, a rasher or two of bacon, onions, cheese followed by a spurt of either an egg-white mayonnaise or a tree-bark brown barbeque sauce;  the general theme. The only real distinguishable feature that identifies this clone factory of victims is the bread. Whether they take a sesame seed approach or garlic one, give or take a calorie, it’s going to be the same result across the board; the overall experience being somewhat negligible to choose between. However, you can bet the ride you get from any one of these recurrent greased-soaked buns is not going to be a negative one.

'Lettuce Beef Real' (Let's Be Real)

What is needed is some honesty. Let the home-truths ring out in the house of McDonald’s. They don’t verge away from this magnificent combination because they know it works. It sells. By that token it should stay the same, permanently. No more beating around this moist and meat-riddled bush. Label the product the Big Tasty once again but this time with the choice from a plethora of different breads and buns to enjoy your meal.

It would certainly bring an end all this ‘beef’ surrounding this issue.

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