Pornhub Goes Premium: A Valentine’s Day Treat Featured

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I’m not sure whether it’s wonderful or soul destroying that on Valentine’s Day 2013, Pornhub allowed its users to watch Premium videos for free. Whilst I’d love to say it restored my faith in humanity with this blessing for frisky singletons, as soon as my excitable male flatmates informed me of this treat, every inch of my porn-ignorant brain still screamed ‘SCAM’ and I implored them not to do it.

 Well, they did it. Or, at least, they tried to, but it turns out that in order to see these glorious videos you had to make an account. Now I’m willing to bet that after everyone signed up in a moment of horny glee, they found that when V Day was over, so was their bank balance, as it plummeted straight into overdraft city, all for the sake of an erection.

Whilst I’m all for lonely boys on Valentine’s day w*nking themselves silly in order to conceal the pain they feel inside, Pornhub has been more than a little bit cheeky this year to give humanity this hope, this single light amongst the darkness of unwanted bachelorhood,  only to cruelly extinguish it in days to come. Not to mention their poor mother, as not only has her boy not yet managed to find himself a wife, but her beloved son’s bank statement shockingly exposes where all his money is now accidentally draining to.

Whilst masturbating is fine, you can do it any day of the year (you can also tell your partner you love them any day of the year, but that’s another rant altogether). So if Valentine’s day really is so tough, instead of indulging in something you do on a standard weeknight, why not grab a crate of beer, order a curry and hang out with other lonesome lads, ignoring the day altogether. Or better yet, go out and get laid. In fact, you may even consider writing a letter to Pornhub demanding  penance for their treachery.  But whether it’s free or not (and it clearly was not, the thieving bastards), don’t spend the night locked away in your room, smiling with tears of joy at the idea that your most treasured porn site might possibly be showing high definition boobies.  

Victoria Karpinski

Currently studying for a degree in English at Leeds Uni, I like sleep, house parties, takeaways and reading the occasional bloody good book.

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