I’m just going to put it out there for a second, as controversial as it may be, and suggest that flying could potentially be the thing that is overrated. Realistically, how do we know? We cannot, unfortunately, carry out some quantitative research on a bird’s enjoyment of the flying experience, nor have an in-depth discussion with Mr Pan. So how do we really know if flying isn’t incredibly difficult? Is it an operation of extreme skill and expertise? Can you speed when flying? Will there be flying crashes? How easy is it to get lost? Will it make us extremely travel sick?
My first issue with flying is that I’m pretty sure you cannot eat and fly at the same time. You can eat to your heart’s content on public transport; you can eat your packed lunch, get a handful of confectionaries from the miniature, extremely thin food trolley, and continue your way into obesity. Flying… not so much. Well, if you can’t eat while you’re swimming or running, I’m quite sure you can’t while you’re flying.
Secondly, you cannot sleep while you fly, and let’s be honest; sleeping on public on transport is an exciting prospect. Personally, public transport is my favourite place to sleep; waking up on the train with the people sitting around you eyeing you oddly - it’s thrilling. I mean, you could have done anything and you will never know; you live with the possibility that you slept-talked about cheese or left one eye creepily gazing at your spectators, as you let out a chorus of groaning snores.
Similarly, you are occasionally faced with the incredibly well-thought-out and cunning attempt to smoothly wipe away the post-sleep dribble off your face - or even off the trusty window that acted as your pillow for the ordeal - without anyone recognising your move.
Not forgetting the thrill of falling asleep on the complete stranger next to you - it’s simply brilliant! Your poor victim has, due to British politeness standards, no choice but to accept themselves as a headrest for the entirety of your nap. Depending on your luck, they will find this endearing, hilarious, or they will be extremely awkward. Waking up and realising your tragic mistake can go two ways; the awkward shock and apology which leads to you both leaning as far away as is physically possible from each other for the rest of the journey, or you apologise and become best friends for the rest of the journey, bantering away about the bond you have now created. Or I guess you could fall in love, get married, and have lots of beautiful children - but unfortunately, this isn’t Hollywood.
If I haven’t won you over enough already, I’ll just remind you of a few things: free food; miniature pillows; nice views - and not to mention extremely small toilets with the possibility of, at any second, being jolted out of your comfortable toilet- using position. Not to mention the inevitability of the most aggressive and terrifying flushing sound you will ever experience.
Don't call me Scrooge - all I’m saying is maybe choose your super power more wisely next time?